Days really do blur together here. The Objectives portion of the program is by far, the worst. Buster and I, EP’d Objective 7. It is Sunday and because neither of us have any Chits, we can take today off. We agree that we need it. You can always count on there being football on in the lodge on Sundays. I love football, but most of the students are from the east coast, so watching the Seahawk games aren’t type priority. It’s unfortunate because the Seahawks are doing amazing this year. I don’t think I could sit and enjoy it regardless. It would make me miss my dad too much.
“So how did the dumpster dive go?” I ask Buster.
“Not good,” he replies.
“Yo, I’m telling you that ethics kept them pills for themselves. They probably high as fuck right now,” Ryan chimes in.
I scan both of their pupils to look for signs of opiate use. I mean, for all I know they could just be cutting me out of the deal. Their pupils appear normal.
“Fuck that sucks,” I sigh.
“Yo, I tore that dumpster apart,” Ryan says. “There were no pills or shampoo bottles in there.”
“I’m telling you. This staff isn’t as clean as they pretend to be,” Buster suggests. “I know for a fact that some of them get off of work and drink in Temecula. Why do you think they all get together on Friday after graduation?”
“Really? Some people’s DOC was alcohol though. I know Stormy was here for that. I don’t think they are drinking in Temecula,” I say.
“Wake up Liz! This place is shady as fuck,” Ryan laughs. “They probably snorting rails every chance they get. They probably geeked up off them bars bro,” (geeked up =high; off them bars= pills).
I excuse myself from the conversation and make my way inside the lodge to sit with Hayden and Keisha. Hayden is lucky. Her parents come to visit her on Sundays sometimes. They are local. Most of us are from other states, so our parents can’t come visit us on Sundays. It blows. I love Hayden’s parents. They are divorced, but still get along. They both have new significant others, but are still able to maintain a healthy relationship for Hayden. That’s very cool.
“Are your parents hanging out here today, or are they breaking you free?” I ask.
“Nope! They are getting me out of here for the day,” she replies.
“Damn it, you are so lucky,” I say.
After you are out of sauna, you can put in a CS form and request a day away. If it is approved, you get to take off with your family or friend who comes to get you. When you get back they search your belongings and do a drug test and Breathalyzer. It’s almost Christmas. Hayden’s field trip makes me wish more than anything that my family could come snatch me up for a few hours. Her parents were willing to take me out too last Sunday, but the CS wouldn’t approve it. They said it was because it wasn’t my family. It pissed me off. I would do anything to get off this mountain.
“Hey girl hey,” Keisha calls out, as she approaches us.
“Hayden gets to break out of here for the day, so you are stuck with me,” I announce.
“Awe. You lucky bitch,” Keisha laughs.
Hayden makes her way down to the office to meet with her parents. Keisha and I will likely spend the majority of the day, waiting to get back to the ginger house. The only down side to being in the houses, is that you don’t have a room to retreat to here at the center.
Several students who are further along in their program, opt to go to class on Sundays. As well as, all the mandated students who have been issued chits. Justice is beyond irritated that her and Misty have to go to class because of Misty’s chit.
“See you after hell,” Justice calls out, as they load onto the van to go across the street. She throws up a peace sign and slams the door behind her.
Bolts, Noah and Brian aren’t going. We decide that we will play a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity in the lodge to pass the time.
“You ready to catch this loss,” Bolts taunts.
“Keisha is the queen of this game,” Noah announces.
“Yeah, she ain’t no virgin to stringing cards together,” Brain agrees.
“Hey you think I’m bad, wait until Liz drops her cards together,” Keisha laughs.
“Yeah, but we expect that vulgar play from Liz,” Noah says.
The group laughs.
“Hey, what the fuck does that mean?” I ask, rhetorically.
We all laugh as we draw our cards. We spend hours playing, laughing and smoking in between games. This game is the opposite of politically correct. After awhile, the responses become less humorous. I imagine if you were drinking or blunted (weed), it would be a riot.
“Liz! Girl! You know you want to sign the softball sheet and come play in an hour,” Dominic suggests while handing me the sheet.
“Hell yeah,” I agree. “Come on Keisha, come play.”
“No way,” she refuses.
Keisha never plays softball. I have always loved softball and can usually get on first base. Plus it means driving for 20 minutes down the mountain and getting away from the center, thus, I am always in! After a few more hands and smokes, I am ready to go. Several of us load onto two vans and make our way down to the fields. I jump into Gavrill’s van because I know we will be jamming to some good tunes.
“Sit by me Liz,” Dominic suggests. He pats the seat next to him. I oblige.
Dominic is a complete meat head. Covered in tattoos and fucking sexy as hell. His eyes are soul piercing. On the way to the fields, he grabs my hand and holds it for awhile. My heart is beating fast and I have flutters in my stomach. As my entire body buzzes with endorphin’s, I find myself thinking, “Wow. Ryan who?” Suddenly my crush is far from my mind. It’s almost relieving to take a breather from obsessing over him.
Dominic is an intern now. He could get in trouble if caught fraternizing with a student. I whisper my concern in his ear. A big, cheesy ass grin crosses his face. He doesn’t care. Still, I cover our hand holding with my backpack.
Once we reach the fields, the guys choose teams. As a female, I find this a tad bit intimidating. There are only a few of us, but it would be nice if for once we could be team captains. Luckily, I am not picked last. Dominic sees to that. Some of these guys have played with me before. I hope they notice I usually score runs. My weakness is the position they throw me in when in the outfield. I am 4’11 with tiny ass legs. I am great at sprinting onto first base, but playing the entire left field is not my strength. Especially when part of it involves running up hill. When I played softball before as a teen, I usually manned first or second base, but the boys don’t care and don’t listen. One thing I have noticed about every single aspect of the Narconon program, including extracurricular activities, is that it’s gender bias and caters to the boys.
It wouldn’t be softball without a wad of chew. I stick one in my lip and hit the field eagerly. Bolts points his bat towards left field. As if he were Babe Ruth calling his shot.
“Lizzy, boo bear, it’s coming for you,” he taunts.
He hits it but it heads to the right field and I breathe a sigh of relief. Several other batters come up and they score a few runs, before it’s our turn. I round the bases quickly and score our second run. It feels amazing playing again. For a few hours, I am able to forget where I am and participate in an activity that I have always loved. It feels like I am alive again. Being numb all these years with drugs and alcohol, I had forgotten what engaging in my passions and hobbies felt like. When you’re high, there is no desire to play sports, put together a scrapbook or sing.
After we load back onto the vans to go back to the center, Dominic grabs for my hand again. I find my hand moving up and down his thigh for the majority of the van ride. He returns my touch. He suggests we find a way to get rid of this sexual tension. He lives at the barn and that sucks. It is the house farthest from the ginger house. He lets me know that he’ll be there waiting, if I get the nerve to sneak out and find my way down to the barn. It has been so long. I yearn for a man’s touch and this man, dear lord sign me up! I have to say, I am extremely tempted despite the danger of being caught…..
Today’s Theme Song- Feel Like Making Love- Bad Company
**DISCLAIMER: This is my personal experience at a Narconon Rehabilitation Center. This is not an expose or journalistic documentation. It is not meant to bash the program in any way, or suggest that it is the only rehab facility that works for recovery. I have been clean and sober since 09-27-13 and attribute much of that success to this program. All of the names in this series have been changed to protect the identity of my friends and sober family’s privacy! Thank you for reading!**