Sauna Day 8:
Days blend together when you are in the sauna portion of the program. With the exception of siting in the hot box, there is no schedule to be kept. New students pour in and old students move out. The only consistency besides the heat, is that I am gaining weight.
“Damn girl. I am really missing meth,” I confess to Hayden. “Not because I want the high or paranoia. In fact, I don’t want that. Meth is so dirty, but I miss the drastic weight loss and I can’t get fat. I don’t want to.”
There is a full length mirror on the closet door by my bed. I can’t help but take in this blob that I’ve become and hang my head in disgust.
“I completely understand,” she says. “I’m still tweaked the fuck out half the time.”
It’s true. Not literally, but the excessive use of meth has caused her to have some paranoia issues. We joke about it, but I know it bothers her. She is in sauna now, and hopefully that will help calm her down.
“I am so glad that you are in sauna with me. I like Misty and Justice, but I can only handle Justice in small doses. It drives me nuts when she blares her speaker. I like music too, but there are other artists besides Drake!” I exclaim.
“Girl. How do you think I feel? Rap is not my my genre,” she confesses.
We already participated in AM sauna today. We can goof off for the remainder of the day. I rummage through a few bags, while I watch Hayden put on her makeup. She has the most artistic way of painting her face. Every color, every shimmer, every line is applied with pure perfection. She has expensive makeup that I have never heard of before. One of her favorite brands is called, Too faced.
“I really want to get high Liz,” she confesses.
My heart speeds up at her announcement. Every night, I have been plagued with vivid drug dreams. Last night I was running around the house with a huge shard of meth in my hand. My sister was chasing me and at the last minute, I swallowed the shard. When I woke up, I was quite shaken by it. It was my first meth dream. Usually, I dream about heroin.
“So do I,” I admit. “If there were a way to get drugs in, I would be all for it. I don’t want to leave because I would have to start sauna all over again. I wish I knew someone in California.”
“I do. I am from California and I know I could call James and he would bring it to me,” she suggests.
“Buster has a cell phone,” I confess. “He uses it to text his girlfriend back home. I guess Charles passed it through the window before he took off the other night. The boys are irritated that Buster is always on it. Ethics has no clue that they have it.”
Buster Lumplin is a short, hick boy from Virginia. At first, I was very welcoming of him. He told me about his daughter and girlfriend but then he started hitting on me and I don’t like him anymore. He has brown hair, freckles and lives in Polo shirts. Despite being hillbilly, he acts like he is gangster. It’s annoying.
“He does? Too bad we don’t have any money,” she laughs.
My eyes widen. No sooner than she makes the claim, do I discover that ethics has left Eric’s EBT (food stamps) card in my possession. Eric is the douche bag I was running the streets with back home. There isn’t any money on this card, but the wheels begin to turn in my head. My EBT card has a couple hundred dollars on it. It is locked up in the treasury office. I would have to make up an excuse to get into my wallet and swap the cards without Emma Chadwick noticing. The cards are identical in appearance.
“I think I can do it,” I suggest.
“Girl, no way! How are you going to swap the cards out without Emma noticing?” She asks.
“I’m a drug addict bitch. I have my ways,” I smile.
The 3 o’clock break is upon us and Keisha knocks at the door.
“Come in,” we call out together.
“Hey girl hey,” Hayden says. It’s her signature saying, but we have all adopted it.
“Hey Keisha. I have a rather genius plan brewing,” I say, before cackling with my Dr. Evil laugh. I explain the plan to Keisha.
“No one is going to suspect that I am up to no good. Are you kidding me? I never get into any trouble. All I have to say is that I need to get my daughter’s picture out of my wallet and Emma will hand it to me. I’ll swap the cards, shove my card up my sleeve and be out the door in no time,” I suggest.
Hayden is on board, but doubts my ability. Keisha, however, is further along in her program and is hesitant about the fool proof plan.
“Liz. You are already in sauna. What if you get caught? Are you sure that you want to do this?” She asks. Her face can’t hide her concern.
“Yes. Fuck yes! The sad part is as much as I want the heroin, I really want to feel the needle again. Just one more time,” I say.
“If we get it, do you want some?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” she replies. She avoids eye contact.
“I’m sorry. I’m being a bad friend again. Fuck. Of course you don’t. Hayden, I can’t ask you to be involved in screwing up your sobriety,” I say. My mouth still watering at the idea of pushing in my demon.
“Girl, you are not being a bad friend! I am being a horrible friend. I am the one that has the dope connection and is able to make it work for us. I should have never said anything,” says Hayden.
Keisha looks less concerned and we spend the rest of the break bull shitting.
“What is going on with Objectives?” I ask.
“As you know, they split Noah and I up. My new twin is Cody, the former marine. He is okay, but he is infatuated with Kacie and it gets old listening to him obsess about her,” she responds.
“How is Noah handling being paired up with Juice?” I ask.
“He hates it. You should hear him in class. He tries to be patient, but Juice is relentless,” she says. “He will give him a command like, Touch that wall, and Juice flat out refuses to obey the command. It’s called a bite and it has to be documented on the paperwork. So in addition to not listening, he is causing Noah more paperwork as well.”
“What an asshole,” Hayden says.
Break is over and we head to roll call. After roll, Hayden and I make our way back to our room.
“I still want to get high,” I say.
“Oh thank God. I do too, but I didn’t want Keisha to be triggered or tell on us,” Hayden suggests.
“Keisha wouldn’t narc us out, but I definitely don’t want to trigger her,” I agree.
“Okay, so maybe I should go swap out the cards,” I suggest.
My heart is racing, as I make my way to the office. Emma Chadwick is in the back and reception has informed her I am on my way. Vincent, the beautiful gay man, is also in the office.
“I just need to check the balance on my EBT before the Wal-mart run and look for a couple pictures in my wallet of my daughter,” I inform Emma.
“No problem chica,” she replies, as she hands me my wallet.
I pull out my EBT card and pick up the phone. Vincent is in the corner desk. I dial the number on the card to check my balance and hope that an opportunity will allow for me to swap out the cards. Emma’s phone rings and she makes her way over to her desk. Success. Quickly, I shove the card up my long sleeve and put Eric’s card into the sleeve of my wallet. My heart is still pounding. I pull out a couple of wallet sized pictures of my daughter and ramble on about how I am happy to have them and hand my wallet back to Emma. She is still on the phone and I make my way out the door.
As I head back to the room, I feel as if all eyes are on me. I walk past John Tiger and avoid making eye contact. The walk back feels long and arduous. Finally, I have arrived. I swing the door open and beam with excitement in Hayden’s direction.
“No you did not pull it off?” She asks. Her eyes wide and hopeful.
“I’m a lying, thieving, manipulative drug addict. Of course I did!” I exclaim, as I pull the card from my sleeve.
‘No fucking way! Holy shit Liz! Oh my gawd. I can’t believe you pulled it off,” she says.
“Now the question is. Where do I hide it?” I ask smugly.
My eyes scan the room for possibilities. Hayden suggests a few places, but I know ethics checks our rooms everyday and I am reluctant to let it go.
“I know! I have an idea,” I wink.
I open my cigarette pack and slide the card on the inside of my pack behind my smokes. I bend the foil back over it and it conceals it perfectly. I close the lid back over my smokes and it closes without issue.
“Talk about intention without reservation,” I joke. “I carry these with me everywhere. They never search the students and no one will ever know!”
“Genius,” she giggles.
“Now, how are we going to get the phone?” I ask. “You should ask Derek Lowry. He rooms with Buster and you know he has a huge crush on you.”
“I got this girl. No problem,” she smiles.
“Don’t tell him why we need the phone though. I don’t want to have to share our dope,” I say.
“I won’t. I don’t want to share either,” she agrees.
“Can your friend bring rigs though? I really want to shoot up,” I say.
“I will see. I haven’t talked to him in a long time. I will do my best,” she says.
Derek is in class and there is no chance of getting the cell phone right now. Now that we have the EBT card in our possession, it is burning a hole in my pocket! I can’t stop thinking about anything but getting high. Hayden is sharing the same struggle. I wonder what it would be like to be high inside the sauna.
Finally, dinner time has arrived and Hayden agrees to try and get the phone from Derek. It proves more difficult than we expected. Buster has hidden the phone and even the boys are not sure where it has been hidden. He has agreed to try and get the phone for us.
“Three feet apart,” John Tiger instructs. Hayden scoots away from Derek. “Don’t make me put you on a no comm. You have been warned!”
Hayden and Derek have been instructed to move three feet apart several times already. They are about to be put on a, “no comm.” if it continues. A no comm., means there can be no communication between them. I had never even heard of it until recently. They are really starting to crack down on 2D flows.
Another newer student, Adam Moon, was put on a no comm. with Misty. Adam Moon is a 19 year old rapper who came into the center a week ago. He showed up wearing red chucks (Converse), with a red bandanna hanging out of his pocket and a gangster swag. He is tall, skinny and his nose is so big, even he teases himself about it. He’s still adorable, for a young boy.
Him and Misty hit it off right away and spent an entire week inseparable. Apparently, he squeezed Misty’s thigh after John Tiger instructed them to move three feet apart and now they are not allowed to talk to each other, sit at the same table, or be in the same sauna session. It’s ridiculous. They both were called into the office and forced to sign a paper acknowledging the no comm. If the no comm. is violated, the penalty can result in one of them being transferred to another center.
The night goes on and class is finally done for the day. We are unable to get our hands on the cell phone and Hayden and I spend the night in our room, obsessing about heroin.
“I want to cuddle. I miss cuddling,” Hayden says.
“I’ll cuddle you,” I joke. “I miss cuddling too.”
“Let’s push our beds together,” she suggests. “Not in a gay way.”
“Okay!” I agree.
We push our beds together and make one giant bed. Her bed is taller than mine, so there is a drop in the middle. We don’t spend the night spooning, but we cuddle a little and trade drug stories. When we decide to sleep, we break free from our cuddle. I take a spoon out and eat a couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter and honey. I have no idea why, but ever since I have been in sauna, I crave peanut butter before bed. Sometimes the craving is so bad, I will wake up in the middle of the night, eat a spoonful of peanut butter and fall right back to sleep. Tonight is no exception. My mind is consumed by heroin and I am feeling lower than I have since I have been here…