Sauna Day 5:
Today is absolutely dreadful. My vein is still swollen and painful. The right arm is much worse than the left. Vinny too Skinny has annoyed me to the point of wanting to knock his fucking teeth out. In fact, it has created friction between Bryce and I.
“Why are you so hard on him?” Bryce asks.
“Are you kidding me right now? He has to be the most annoying man I have ever met in my life. How are you not annoyed by his constant idiocy?” I retaliate.
“I just think that you should cut him some slack. Everyone is ganging up on him and no one deserves to be bullied,” he continues.
How did we go from my not liking the guy to my bullying the ass munch? I don’t question Bryce about it, but I am irritated by his insinuation. For whatever reason, Vinny wants to be in sauna with us. I feel he has latched onto me, in particular, and is constantly biding for my approval and attention. It’s not flattering. It’s pathetic and in poor taste. He is married and I don’t like his innuendos.
I mean I am sexually out of control and say some of the most inappropriate things, but not to married men. That’s a line I won’t cross. Even if the man were drop dead sexy and not Vinny, I’d be repulsed by a married man’s advances.
“Hey girl hey,” Hayden interrupts. She draws the last ,”Heeeeeeey” out.
“Hey girl hey,” I respond.
It is lunch time and we make our way around to the lunch line together.
“How was drilling TR’s?” I ask. My eyes roll with hers.
“Well, let’s see. Do bird’s fly? No really, do bird’s like, totally fucking fly?” She laughs. I laugh with her.
“Hey girl hey,” I call out to Keisha. Keisha makes her way over to us in line.
“I miss you,” I say, while pouting.
“Meh. I miss you too,” she responds.
“Hey guys! I’m awesome. I’m having a fucking awesome day, and Liz you’re awesome. Keisha you’re awesome. We’re all awesome. Today is awesome,” Vinny rambles on.
His thick Brooklyn accent, is not sexy. It’s sexy on Donny D, but Vinny destroys it. I’m from Washington. As far as I know, we don’t have accents. I am a sucker for accents, especially the British. Oh my gawd, yum. As ridiculous as it may seem, I hate him for destroying the sex appeal of a New York one.
Bryce walks up behind Vinny in line.
“Oh hey man. I love this guy. This guy right here. Aye, this guy right here is fucking awesome. I love this guy,” Vinny continues, while patting Bryce’s back.
I can’t help but bite my lip. Why is this guy such a complete fucktard? I begin to speculate on the many potential reasons behind him being a complete idiot, and I laugh inside at the ultimate conclusion. He is likely packing a minuscule penis, and has a complex about it. This ridiculously absurd charade of him being awesome, is likely his way of compensating for such a tragedy.
“What’s so funny?” Hayden asks.
“Nothing,” I giggle.
Finally, we have arrived at the trough. Every day, you can count on a salad, a bowl of mixed melon and a main dish course. I am not a fan of hot dogs. Moreover, I am not a fan of bunless hot dogs. I mean really, how the hell have they run out of hot dog buns? The kitchen is constantly running out of food and it is getting ridiculous. The only joy today’s lunch will bring, is the flirtatious and inappropriate sexual banter that Dominic and I will exchange. Damn he is fine. I still haven’t been able to pinpoint whether or not he is with Reagan. She insists they are not and she’s completely fine with me flirting with Dom.
We make our way to the tables. Keisha, Hayden and I, wander away from Vinny. I pray he doesn’t follow.
“I am planning my ethics cycle,” I inform the girls.
“What? What are you getting ethics for?” Keisha asks.
“Yeah and why are you planning it?” Hayden laughs.
“The way I figure it, I need to get laid. I am in sauna, so this is the ideal time to risk being caught. It won’t interrupt my classes. Dominic can get condoms. That’s intern potential,” I smile.
“How do you know that?” Keisha asks.
“He told me,” I laugh. “I told him I am allergic to latex so he’s aware. He knows about the Hep. C and gives no fucks. Well, hopefully he’ll give one…fuck.”
We all laugh, but I am not kidding. It is very difficult to be crammed into this cesspool of men. There is a three to one ratio of dudes to females, and my hormones are in an uproar. They took our drugs away, but that doesn’t heal the codependency that us addicts are accustom to.
“What’s all the laughter going on over here about?” Vinny interrupts. “Is it something I said?”
“Why did you switch to PM sauna?” I inquire.
“To be with my best girl of course,” he replies. He swings his arm around my shoulder. It causes a shudder of “Ick” to permeate down my spine. Quickly, I dismiss myself.
Once PM sauna begins, I learn what it is like being stuck in the box with Vinny for five hours.
“I paid $200,000 for my program,” he blabbers. Sweat already dripping down his forehead. “I thought I was going to have to sell my house, but I am basically rich because I am awesome.”
Frank and Jan are in sauna with us today. I am attempting to drown him out with the Insurgent book I am reading. I can see the look of disgust on Frank’s face. Jan is also reading a book, but looks up a few times in annoyance.
“Two of us are trying to read and it is very difficult when someone is talking at you and asking questions,” Jan blurts out.
“This is my program. You can’t tell me that I can’t talk in sauna,” he responds. The most irritating little smirk crosses his face. He wears that smirk often.
“There is a difference between telling you not to do something and asking you to respect the fact that we are stuck in a box with you and a few of us are choosing to read,” Frank snaps.
“Liz. Tell them. You don’t mind me talking, do you?” He looks at me for approval.
“It is rude when we are trying to read. In fact, it drives me nuts when people that don’t read for pleasure don’t grasp the concept that when my book is open, I am engaged in a story. It is similar to if you were watching a television show and I came in and just started bombarding you with questions and talking over the television,” I reply.
“Well fuck this. I don’t need this shit. This is not awesome,” he grunts. He rocks back and forth in his chair and plugs his ears with his earbuds.
He has to be the center of attention. In order to accomplish this, he begins drumming on his knees and pretending to play the guitar. As he plays his air guitar, he lets out squealing noises. This disturbance causes Frank to become irate. He grabs his towel and excuses himself from sauna for a minute. We are allowed to take mini breaks to cool off.
“Time for vegetables,” Madison calls out.
Vegetable time, involves us coming out for ten minutes and eating a baggie of veggies and a yogurt. There are proportioned cups of ranch dressing to dip our veggies in. I typically eat the carrots and celery, but the broccoli finds it’s way to the trash. Or, when no one is looking, I might toss it at someone over in the smoking area. I realize this is immature, but when in Rome.
After veggies, I light a cigarette. I didn’t have a reaction to my niacin again. I am beginning to wonder if I am ever going to have a real reaction to it. Poor Frank gets so red we tease him about becoming a lobster man. It is painful and he sits on the top bench. It typically takes a half an hour before it subsides. Other than the slight flushing on my face the other day, I have not reacted at all. Because I am not reacting, they continue to up my dose.
When you have a reaction to the niacin, they administer the same dose the next day. It isn’t until you stop reacting to that dose, that they up it. At least this is my understanding of how it works. That must be frustrating. To have a day with no reaction and then blow up the next day once the dose is upped.
“Let’s move this back into the box,” Madison says.
She walks out of the office to get our attention, still dragging her feet with her head cocked to the side. I still haven’t figured her out. I have witnessed her smile, but never in my direction.
Once back in the box, Vinny begins his demonstration again. He closes his eyes. In fact, he keeps his eyes closed, but wears that shit grin. He drums on his knees and bangs his head. Sweat flies off his head and the thought of it landing on me causes me to cringe. I am not the only one having this thought, as Jan kicks at him and grabs his attention. He removes his headphones.
“You are flinging your sweat all over the sauna,” she informs.
“Man you are really something lady. You nag like a wife nags. All you do is boss people around and nag,” he puts his headphones back in and resumes with his annoying demonstration.
The tension is building in the box. I continue to read my book, despite the interruptions of Vinny’s squealing air guitar and knee drumming. It proves difficult to concentrate, but the story is engrossing enough to pull me in. If there were a supervisor in the box with us, I am sure they would instruct us to handle this as a TR-0 bullbait situation, and without even meaning to, that’s exactly what I’ve done. Of course, this bullbait is a five hour TR!
If Vinny insists on being in PM sauna, I am switching to AM. It would make calling my daughter much easier and I would much rather be in the box with Misty and Justice, than this fucktard. He really gets my blood boiling, and I don’t need anything making me hotter in this box!
I’ve always been a social butterfly, the life of the party and adamant about not being alone. Alone has equated as boring before. Now I am finding myself longing to find a secluded area at this center where I can spend some time completely alone. Every where I go there is a group of students. Although I can hang in my room, the walls are thin and I can’t sing out my frustrations without annoying my neighbors.
The lodge is always packed with students. I am forced to sit in this hot ass box for five hours with loud, obnoxious Vinny. There really isn’t any place to escape having at least one student around you. I never thought in my life that I would be longing so badly, to just be left alone…